why am i always the last choice? why am i considered the nice girl? of course it’s because i’m the bitch that obviously no one can like. and then when someone likes me they’re big fat assholes or they are obviously lying. it’s like “i am writing the story that will never end in my heart, i will hold on to you i won’t let you go. even today, i’m still in the story of you and i that hasn’t ended, in fiction. I will say this again, one more time Right now you are next to me I’m believing like that (But Fiction) I’m the writer who lost his purpose. The end of this novel, how am I supposed to write it (My own Fiction) I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I keep writing these 3 words (Everything is Fiction) Setting the warn out pen on the old paper stained in tears EVERYTHING IS FICTION. This story can’t be happy or sad Right now I’m writing such a happy story.
But it is all just a wish still.”
i can’t do it. i’m always that nice girl but then again i’m the bitch. i’m both and i get nothing. i don’t get the nice guy. i don’t get the bad guy. i get none of the above. i’m always that last resort. that last choice. no one notices me until i’m the last choice there. well duh of course not. knowing me and all my friends. i would choose them too. so why the hell can’t i be like them? why can’t i be as pretty as them, or as sexy, or as cute, or as smart, or as nice, or as amazing, or ANYTHING. i’m always that last choice. even when i have a guy. i’m still his last choice. i’m always the last choice.
am i too nice? hell no.
am i too bitchy? not even.
maybe it’s just cause i’m me.
and i just.
fail.
everything else is crumbling too. it’s not like my world is staying together very well. fuck school. fuck grades. fuck college apps. fuck the process of getting into college. fuck ap’s. fuck dreams. fuck trying to actually get something done with my life. i swear one day i am going to run away and kill myself. nah maybe i’ll just run away and just disappear from the world. i won’t answer any texts, i won’t pick up any calls, i won’t respond to any emails, i won’t contact anyone I know, I won’t do anything to harm anyone, I won’t be around, I won’t make people’s lives worrisome, I just won’t be there. I am just gonna run away for no one to see me and notice me. So no one can see my faults, no one can see me cry, I swear, one day I’m just gonna run away. Run away and cry. Run away and sleep. Run away and dream of a better place. Run away and have fun. Run away to a new world where none of my worries exist.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
now.
at the moment.
i feel like shit.
i don't know what to do. i want to cry myself to sleep every night and i want to just be like sleeping beauty and sleep for like 50 years and escape from all my fears, escape my problems, i want to run away from it all. i'm trying to see if anyone is home, but it's not working very well... i can't deal with this shit.
i can't deal with myself.
but i know i can't run away from my problems either. i'm not that kind of person. i never run away from my problems. i'm too stubborn. stubborn as fuck. i swear i am mental. i need help.
you know in howl's moving castle where she could switch worlds and there was the one world with the small cottage and the clear field with just fluffy grass and amazing open space and field and land, i want to go to a place like that. where there's no one except for me and my thoughts. where i can tumble and run around and be a little kid. i can't do a cartwheel but hey maybe i can try there. somewhere where i'm safe, nothing to worry about. no school. no college apps. no transcripts. no grades. no piano worries. no stupid people. no holidays. no homework. no projects. no video games. no tv.
just an unlimited amount of music supply, my grand piano, paper, pen, and me.
but as much as i want to, i can't run away. never.
right now,
i have absolutely no idea what i'm going to do...
i feel like shit.
i don't know what to do. i want to cry myself to sleep every night and i want to just be like sleeping beauty and sleep for like 50 years and escape from all my fears, escape my problems, i want to run away from it all. i'm trying to see if anyone is home, but it's not working very well... i can't deal with this shit.
i can't deal with myself.
but i know i can't run away from my problems either. i'm not that kind of person. i never run away from my problems. i'm too stubborn. stubborn as fuck. i swear i am mental. i need help.
you know in howl's moving castle where she could switch worlds and there was the one world with the small cottage and the clear field with just fluffy grass and amazing open space and field and land, i want to go to a place like that. where there's no one except for me and my thoughts. where i can tumble and run around and be a little kid. i can't do a cartwheel but hey maybe i can try there. somewhere where i'm safe, nothing to worry about. no school. no college apps. no transcripts. no grades. no piano worries. no stupid people. no holidays. no homework. no projects. no video games. no tv.
just an unlimited amount of music supply, my grand piano, paper, pen, and me.
but as much as i want to, i can't run away. never.
right now,
i have absolutely no idea what i'm going to do...
4 years.
Saturday November 17, 2012.
the most eventful moment of my senior year. the most exciting moment of my senior year. it was amazing.
eventful, crazy, hectic, and overall, amazing.
my dear section leader was pissed and sad that we weren't able to sit with our group of friends, but as the day went on, food, freshmen, and having the peace and calm of being able to sit with our section got to her and she seemed okay with it. i love her so much. she is adorable and amazing. i don't know how she does it, but she kept her patience and her temper and she turned out to be both the most amazing friend ever, but also one of the most amazing section leaders i have ever had (given i've only had 2). the year went by so fast though, so fast that i was oblivious to how amazing my dear friend could be at being... her. there's something about her that no one can replace. but moving on.
the 2 hour ride with my boyfriend to the last field show competition i would ever march in was relaxing. i got to sleep and realize how great the freshmen in my section are. the moment we got to the school, we went to find bathrooms, the lines were too long and we were so close to going in the guy's bathroom but decided not to... dinner was uneventful but peaceful. i hadn't realized that the dinner we had just eaten was the last of our marching band season. everything was going by so fast, we changed, blocked up, did our usual sectionals which was this time actually very pleasant, had a little freshmen mishap, and our full rehearsal of amazing music. the MUSIC was just...amazing. it was.. magical. we then had our inspirational speech from one of my best friends ever, and we were off.
then... the sprinklers. i was so proud of the whole band for staying set and staying in their spot until they were given instructions or if they were too close to the water. after the guard and the pit got soaked however, we were all flustered. at first it was funny, then not as much. after a while, the sprinklers turned off, the whole band was full of discipline and ready to kick ass and we performed.
the awards were amazing. everything announced from 5th place to 2nd place, i was so horribly nervous. when they were about to announce the scores i would squish my eyes together, grasp the fence, and just shut up all together. my favorite "freshie" was with me and kept me calm and kept me entertained while i was waiting and nervous as hell. it was nice to catch up with the boy. i realize why i may have mildly liked him last year. but anyway. the bonding time with him was amazing and fun, 2nd place was amazing. i told myself that i would be fine and i wouldn't cry, but as soon as i saw my amazing drum major up front and in person, i felt the tears roll down my face... it was all unreal. 4 years of heaven and hell put together, my band family, it was torn last year because of the 2012 graduating seniors but we kept together as girls and the few juniors in our group. i didn't realize how sad i would be that the 4 years of all my hard work and not knowing what the hell i was doing in the beginning would pay off. i never thought i would be anybody anywhere, but i was actually somewhat known in band... that's 190 kids that know me. i never thought that would happen.
so on the walk back to the buses i had more bonding time with dear "freshie". oh boy that kid... tried to pick me up more times than needed.
i got back to the bus to find my boyfriend in the seat...depressed. as soon as i saw that, i felt horrible. absolutely horrible. i wanted to charge to him and just give him the biggest hug ever, but of course i couldn't. i hadn't seen him that depressed in probably a year or so. i felt like the biggest bitch ever when he told me.. i just wanted to run away... i felt like the absolute biggest bitch ever. i'm the worst girlfriend ever. i'm sorry. anyway, after the talking and all, had some wonderful bonding time with my friends. in my last big band ride home.
all in all, eventful. wonderful. amazing. 2nd the best.
i can't believe that it's been 4 years. i remember back when i was a freshman and didn't know what to do because annie was with the sophomores and i was stuck being a nobody. and then.. i met andy. and little did i know that he would be one of the most important people i would ever meet. i love him so much. he is the best non biological mommie ever. and meeting my family... i never thought i would have so many friends and have them all be my family.
i can't believe 4 years of marching band has passed... all that hard work. i'll never be able to view braveheart, alice in wonderland, come sail away, where the wild things are, helen and paris, and yellow the same ever again.
marching band made my high school life worth it.
bittersweet ending. i'll miss you.
but then again.
i won't.
❤SHS Spartan Marching Band and Colorguard
the most eventful moment of my senior year. the most exciting moment of my senior year. it was amazing.
eventful, crazy, hectic, and overall, amazing.
my dear section leader was pissed and sad that we weren't able to sit with our group of friends, but as the day went on, food, freshmen, and having the peace and calm of being able to sit with our section got to her and she seemed okay with it. i love her so much. she is adorable and amazing. i don't know how she does it, but she kept her patience and her temper and she turned out to be both the most amazing friend ever, but also one of the most amazing section leaders i have ever had (given i've only had 2). the year went by so fast though, so fast that i was oblivious to how amazing my dear friend could be at being... her. there's something about her that no one can replace. but moving on.
the 2 hour ride with my boyfriend to the last field show competition i would ever march in was relaxing. i got to sleep and realize how great the freshmen in my section are. the moment we got to the school, we went to find bathrooms, the lines were too long and we were so close to going in the guy's bathroom but decided not to... dinner was uneventful but peaceful. i hadn't realized that the dinner we had just eaten was the last of our marching band season. everything was going by so fast, we changed, blocked up, did our usual sectionals which was this time actually very pleasant, had a little freshmen mishap, and our full rehearsal of amazing music. the MUSIC was just...amazing. it was.. magical. we then had our inspirational speech from one of my best friends ever, and we were off.
then... the sprinklers. i was so proud of the whole band for staying set and staying in their spot until they were given instructions or if they were too close to the water. after the guard and the pit got soaked however, we were all flustered. at first it was funny, then not as much. after a while, the sprinklers turned off, the whole band was full of discipline and ready to kick ass and we performed.
the awards were amazing. everything announced from 5th place to 2nd place, i was so horribly nervous. when they were about to announce the scores i would squish my eyes together, grasp the fence, and just shut up all together. my favorite "freshie" was with me and kept me calm and kept me entertained while i was waiting and nervous as hell. it was nice to catch up with the boy. i realize why i may have mildly liked him last year. but anyway. the bonding time with him was amazing and fun, 2nd place was amazing. i told myself that i would be fine and i wouldn't cry, but as soon as i saw my amazing drum major up front and in person, i felt the tears roll down my face... it was all unreal. 4 years of heaven and hell put together, my band family, it was torn last year because of the 2012 graduating seniors but we kept together as girls and the few juniors in our group. i didn't realize how sad i would be that the 4 years of all my hard work and not knowing what the hell i was doing in the beginning would pay off. i never thought i would be anybody anywhere, but i was actually somewhat known in band... that's 190 kids that know me. i never thought that would happen.
so on the walk back to the buses i had more bonding time with dear "freshie". oh boy that kid... tried to pick me up more times than needed.
i got back to the bus to find my boyfriend in the seat...depressed. as soon as i saw that, i felt horrible. absolutely horrible. i wanted to charge to him and just give him the biggest hug ever, but of course i couldn't. i hadn't seen him that depressed in probably a year or so. i felt like the biggest bitch ever when he told me.. i just wanted to run away... i felt like the absolute biggest bitch ever. i'm the worst girlfriend ever. i'm sorry. anyway, after the talking and all, had some wonderful bonding time with my friends. in my last big band ride home.
all in all, eventful. wonderful. amazing. 2nd the best.
i can't believe that it's been 4 years. i remember back when i was a freshman and didn't know what to do because annie was with the sophomores and i was stuck being a nobody. and then.. i met andy. and little did i know that he would be one of the most important people i would ever meet. i love him so much. he is the best non biological mommie ever. and meeting my family... i never thought i would have so many friends and have them all be my family.
i can't believe 4 years of marching band has passed... all that hard work. i'll never be able to view braveheart, alice in wonderland, come sail away, where the wild things are, helen and paris, and yellow the same ever again.
marching band made my high school life worth it.
bittersweet ending. i'll miss you.
but then again.
i won't.
❤SHS Spartan Marching Band and Colorguard
Monday, November 5, 2012
❦ṨṁīĿƎ☪
just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry && just because she comes off strong- doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.
❤
and.
oh. and i'm sorry i make your life so difficult and complicated and annoying and hard and challenging and not worth the fight and the effort.
i hope some day it'll be easier on you and it'll be worth it.
i hope you get what you want someday.
cause i don't think i can do it.
i can't do any of it.
nothing.
i hope some day it'll be easier on you and it'll be worth it.
i hope you get what you want someday.
cause i don't think i can do it.
i can't do any of it.
nothing.
belated.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEEARR JUUUUUUUSTTIINNNNN.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy biiiiiiiiiirthdaaaaaaaaaaaay toooooooooooooooooooo yooooooooooooooouu~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(:
(belated)
hope you had an amazing one.
❤
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUU.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEEARR JUUUUUUUSTTIINNNNN.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy biiiiiiiiiirthdaaaaaaaaaaaay toooooooooooooooooooo yooooooooooooooouu~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(:
(belated)
hope you had an amazing one.
❤
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
shit.
can i just go...
disappear and die now.
too much stress.
juggling a social life, trying to pull my school life together, piano, and on top of that, BAND.
band is my life.
but it CAN'T be my life right now. it takes up WAY TOO freaking much of my time...
no one's home.
come back later.
Bed.
I really just wanna go into my bed. Curl up into a ball. Cry quietly for a very very long time. And then just. Disappear.
I want to disappear to a place where everything is peaceful. No worries in the air. I want to go to a place that is like the mountain fresh air and space in Taiwan and all there is, is a 7-11, a night market, a bed, and my beautiful baby grand piano in the middle of the field.
No worries.
No college.
No school.
No life.
No prep.
No stress.
No crying.
No worrying.
No whining.
I know it's too much to ask. But right now. I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.
I cry myself to sleep at night and I wear myself down at like 10 PM. I'm tired all the time and I absolutely cannot cure it. I try and be happy but for some reason there's something that always comes knocking and killing that happiness.
I want to sleep all the time yet I lay awake drowning in my tears thinking about life and not being able to fall asleep because I am so worried and caught up in the stress of getting into college, getting denied from colleges. And ALL OF IT IS KILLING ME. Crying myself to sleep at night. Breaking down mentally but not letting it get to me on the outside. I swear I've had more mental breakdowns than I've had in years. I've cried myself to sleep more than I have in about 5 years.
I need my bed.
I just want to curl up into a ball and slowly and quietly disappear.
It's not like anyone's gonna notice.
I want to disappear to a place where everything is peaceful. No worries in the air. I want to go to a place that is like the mountain fresh air and space in Taiwan and all there is, is a 7-11, a night market, a bed, and my beautiful baby grand piano in the middle of the field.
No worries.
No college.
No school.
No life.
No prep.
No stress.
No crying.
No worrying.
No whining.
I know it's too much to ask. But right now. I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.
I cry myself to sleep at night and I wear myself down at like 10 PM. I'm tired all the time and I absolutely cannot cure it. I try and be happy but for some reason there's something that always comes knocking and killing that happiness.
I want to sleep all the time yet I lay awake drowning in my tears thinking about life and not being able to fall asleep because I am so worried and caught up in the stress of getting into college, getting denied from colleges. And ALL OF IT IS KILLING ME. Crying myself to sleep at night. Breaking down mentally but not letting it get to me on the outside. I swear I've had more mental breakdowns than I've had in years. I've cried myself to sleep more than I have in about 5 years.
I need my bed.
I just want to curl up into a ball and slowly and quietly disappear.
It's not like anyone's gonna notice.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Trying.
I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain.
I said it 10x. Please come true.
I said it 10x. Please come true.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
stupid eevee❤
you're so cute♥
but idk if i should tell you somethingggg...
cause i wanna tell you.
but but but...
idk if i should.
cause it's kinda not that important but it kinda is at the same time.
a; lksdfjls;kzcxm.v,mae
meeeh.
but anyways.
complaining isn't good for me. but i really don't like life right now.. well kinda. i mean my friends are awesome and i have an amazing boyfriend but i feel like something is off..
but thanks sweetie. you help a lot.
especially when i'm REALLY feeling like shit.... ♡when the sun goes down and the lights burn out then it's time for you to shine.
brighter than a shooting star.
so shine no matter where you are.
fill the darkest night with a brilliant light and it's for you to shine.
brighter than a shooting star.
so shine no matter where you are.
tonight. ❤
Monday, September 10, 2012
College and School.
i swear.
i'm not gonna get into college.
i'm gonna fail at life.
scared.
shit.
fuck.
this sucks.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Fuck. Again.
Why can't I ever ever do anything right? EVER. I can't cook right, I can't read right, I can't talk right, I can't write right, I can't study right, I can't play piano right, I can't teach right, I can't play video games right, I can't do ANYTHING right...actually, I can.
I can fail right...I really..just....nothing goes right..everything has it's screw ups. And I'm just a person who's basically just made of screw ups...why can't I do it right? can't I be happy? Nope. Can I be free? Eh. Can I fail? Yeah. Am I failing? Yeah. I know I'm screwed cause of math...I know it already... But PLEASE. just let me be happy...with everything...
Let this be a good year. I have college apps I have SAT I have school and piano and teaching and band and a boyfriend....In all the academic, emotional, and fun ways. PLEASE. pleasepleaseplease... I hope I can do it all....
Cause the first thing that would go...I don't want it to go.. It's the one thing that might actually maybe just a little work for me....
But even with that one thing... I still can't do anything right.
Fuck.
I hate being me.
I can fail right...I really..just....nothing goes right..everything has it's screw ups. And I'm just a person who's basically just made of screw ups...why can't I do it right? can't I be happy? Nope. Can I be free? Eh. Can I fail? Yeah. Am I failing? Yeah. I know I'm screwed cause of math...I know it already... But PLEASE. just let me be happy...with everything...
Let this be a good year. I have college apps I have SAT I have school and piano and teaching and band and a boyfriend....In all the academic, emotional, and fun ways. PLEASE. pleasepleaseplease... I hope I can do it all....
Cause the first thing that would go...I don't want it to go.. It's the one thing that might actually maybe just a little work for me....
But even with that one thing... I still can't do anything right.
Fuck.
I hate being me.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
love me? "even with my dark side"
There's a place that i know
it's not pretty there and few have ever gone
if i show it to you now
will it make you run away
or will you stay
or will you stay
even if it hurts
even if i try to push you out
will you return?
and remind me who i really am
please remind me who i really am
everybody's got a dark side
everybody's got a dark side
do you love me?
can you love mine?
nobody's a picture perfect
but we're worth it
you know that we're worth it
will you love me?
even with my dark side?
so. tired.
sometimes i can get so tired of just everything. idk.
i'm tired of life.
life being a bitch.
i'm used to it but it still pisses me off.
sometimes i feel really lonely and i get really sad... i wonder what to do then.
and then there are times when i'm really happy and nothing can bring me down...
why can't there be more happy times instead of the other times when i'm sad or pissed?
life is such a bitch like that. ugh.
but the thing is, even when i'm sad or lonely or pissed, when i see him... i get happier. no matter what. no i don't NEED him to be happy. but when i'm with him, everything seems at least a little better♥
so tired of life still.
keeping up so i can be with you though.
Friday, September 7, 2012
firstdayofschool.
damn.
that day went by fast...
the past month of my summer has been almost the best month of my life. everything was going good, i was happy. at least most of the time and i was with the most incredible boy ever♥
then.
school started.
September 6, 2012.
god damn.
i've always wanted school to start so i could be with my friends. this year though...
i have the girls yeah, but my whole high school life was with those 5 guys. and now they're not here. instead of stressing out cause of AP's like the rest of my friends, i'm being stupid and lonely and especially missing one very important boyfriend ):
the school feels empty without the senior class of 2012 blue ninjas walking around there... it's like something is missing...
i miss you guys.
and i miss my eevee❤
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
yay.
i wonder if i mean anything to anyone..
i feel like shit.
yay.
i'm not gonna let all of this get to me. i already said so.
why am i letting it get to me.
truthfully, i want to talk to you. i want to say it all. but then i know it's not all completely true.
i want to tell you that i didn't lose the game. that you can't break me. that if you push me down, i'm going to get back and be even stronger.
but i don't.
because i'm not always like this.
nope.
i want to say it. it's true. but it's false too.
fuck.
i want to sleep all day.
i want to party all night.
i want to forget my troubles and wash away the fight.
lonely again. no one to talk to.
no one to cry with.
no one to trust.
i want to run away.
i want to cry.
i want to soar and fly.
i want someone to be there for me.
but i want to be alone.
i don't want to be left alone.
not again.
yeah i can handle it.
if only there was someone that's just afraid to lose me..
i just want someone to love me and care for me enough that they're afraid to lose me..
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Another Thanks
so. my life. basically sucks. yeah. that's the only way i can put it really... lol.
BUT.
with all the crap in my life, i'm still holding on.
and i have another thanks for all you people for this and that and BLAH BLAH BLAAHH.
YUTA OPPA! :D ;; so... we... got to know each other a lot better this year! <3 with math.. and woodward.. and fuck her... and what? did i say that? psh NAAHHH. so anyway. oppa, thanks for entertaining me in math and beating me in math and being my pillow on the bus rides to competitions and getting my instrument for me when i'm being annoying and late and doing stuff etc etc and helping me through that... STUFF. you know what i mean hahaha. so yeah. thanks for being one of my best friends ever. my dogs are cuter(; you're gonna be a junior next year and we better have bio together next year! and good luck next year. SAT's, Band, AP's, school in general, + trying to find your girl problems. (; hahah. DON'T. GET. GIRL. PROBLEMS. IN. JAPAN. xD
Nataaaawyyyy && Annie && Cnthiaa;; i love you girls with all my heart. english was super duper funsies right? right. :D we're SENIORS. do you guys feel old yet? good. ;D we're gonna grow old together right? since middle school..we've been awesome. ;D <3
and last. but DEFINITELY NOT. least...
Justen. Akira. Minamitani;; there is so much to say... and so little time. you opened me up again. you brought me out again. you...saved me. it was like i was falling and you miraculously saved me. Thanks. I know you think that you couldn't do anything to help my life, but that is quite the opposite actually...ahah. you made/make my life so much better. even if i can't do anything now, all the crap we went through and have been through and probably will go through together.. if you even want me to be your BFFL anymore. you know... i'll love you through it all. just saying. BFFL love kay? ❤ (: AND DON'T BITE ME! so. i know we've been through shit. over. and over. and over. and over again. but Thank You for staying with me through it all... we may not be bf/gf anymore, and you can have Momi and love her to your heart's content and I like..him. hahah. but promise to never leave? and stay? i PROMISE<3 (: the Best Friend Contract right? hehe. you really did make my life so much better. Thank you BFFL<3 iloveyouse(: No matter how much my mom may dislike you or whatever the hell it is, i'm still sticking to my position when we were going out. You're my BFFL and that's not changing. At all. even if you hate me and never want to see me again, even if you don't want me to be your BFFL ever again or anything.. I will still be here for you. I will love you as my BFFL forever and ever. right? right. (: I'm the shoulder you need when you wanna cry. I'm the one that will kick a bitch's ass if I hafta. I will be the one that you vent to when you ever feel like it. I want to be that one person that you'll trust forever and ever... is that okay? cause i trust you. through everything we've been through, we promised to stay BFFL's together~ let's keep that promise(; I know the year we had together was...ROUGH. very rough. but all together. we have so many inside jokes. we had and have to come so many laughs. we know each other like the back of our hands.
promise? bffl forever? (:
you never ruined my life. I promise. if anything you made it so much better. I'm sorry if i might have ruined your life at any point or if i'm still ruining it... i'm sorry for dragging you into my life and making you my bffl and being a horrible terrible ex and being naggy and annoying and bitchy and everything that is me... but i'm always here for you.
Promise.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
break...
so...i'm taking a break.
from what? i have absolutely no idea.
i have no excuse to take a break. to be procrastinating at this very moment writing this post.
my grades are SHIT. and i have almost no time to bring them up..
my piano...starting hell this term.
summer?! oh yeah... so much fun in the sun.
1) summer class at UCLA. no fucking lefo.. and as much as i'm trying to see the positive side to that. it sucks.
2) seniors are leaving..
3) summer AP hw.
4) seniors graduating...
5) summer band and band camp.
6) seniors are freakin leaving!
7) BYU summer class shit.
8) SENIORS. LEAVING.
9) worrying about next year's school year. all my AP's, SAT's, work(?), volunteer, college apps, etcetc.
10) oh. did i mention? seniors. are. going. to. be. gone...
i'm going to be a senior. and as much as no one reads this.
Saturday, May 5, 2012
take me away..
throw it away, forget yesterday, we'll make the great escape.
we won't hear a word, they said.
they don't know us anyway~
watch it burn.
let it die.
cause we are finally free, tonight.
-The Great Escape;; BOYS LIKE GIRLS<3
take me away, a secret place.
a sweet escape, take me away~
take me away to better days.
take me away. a hiding place~
-Natasha Bedingfield;; Pocketful of Sunshine ♥
take me away.. please..<3
confused and sorry?
" again and again and again and again
i keep going back to you. I don't know why, i don't know why
again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again. I don't know why, i don't know why"
again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again. I don't know why, i don't know why"
freakin freshmen.. nah... i shouldn't be blaming them.
my problems are because of me. these problems of being confused? i shouldn't have them...
yet why.
why do i torture myself and i take others along with me. do you see why i say what i say? do you understand why i push away...
i take you along with me.
i burn myself.
i don't want to burn you along the way.
and most likely..?
you would be better off, living without me.
no matter how much you say you don't want to?
think about it..
and to the other;
i must say the same... i say what i say, so no one will get hurt.
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