today

why am i always the last choice? why am i considered the nice girl? of course it’s because i’m the bitch that obviously no one can like. and then when someone likes me they’re big fat assholes or they are obviously lying. it’s like “i am writing the story that will never end in my heart, i will hold on to you i won’t let you go. even today, i’m still in the story of you and i that hasn’t ended, in fiction. I will say this again, one more time Right now you are next to me I’m believing like that (But Fiction) I’m the writer who lost his purpose. The end of this novel, how am I supposed to write it (My own Fiction) I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I keep writing these 3 words (Everything is Fiction) Setting the warn out pen on the old paper stained in tears EVERYTHING IS FICTION. This story can’t be happy or sad Right now I’m writing such a happy story.
But it is all just a wish still.”
i can’t do it. i’m always that nice girl but then again i’m the bitch. i’m both and i get nothing. i don’t get the nice guy. i don’t get the bad guy. i get none of the above. i’m always that last resort. that last choice. no one notices me until i’m the last choice there. well duh of course not. knowing me and all my friends. i would choose them too. so why the hell can’t i be like them? why can’t i be as pretty as them, or as sexy, or as cute, or as smart, or as nice, or as amazing, or ANYTHING. i’m always that last choice. even when i have a guy. i’m still his last choice. i’m always the last choice.
am i too nice? hell no.
am i too bitchy? not even.

maybe it’s just cause i’m me.
and i just.
fail.

everything else is crumbling too. it’s not like my world is staying together very well. fuck school. fuck grades. fuck college apps. fuck the process of getting into college. fuck ap’s. fuck dreams. fuck trying to actually get something done with my life. i swear one day i am going to run away and kill myself. nah maybe i’ll just run away and just disappear from the world. i won’t answer any texts, i won’t pick up any calls, i won’t respond to any emails, i won’t contact anyone I know, I won’t do anything to harm anyone, I won’t be around, I won’t make people’s lives worrisome, I just won’t be there. I am just gonna run away for no one to see me and notice me. So no one can see my faults, no one can see me cry, I swear, one day I’m just gonna run away. Run away and cry. Run away and sleep. Run away and dream of a better place. Run away and have fun. Run away to a new world where none of my worries exist.