I'm a failure. I'm a disappointment. I'm not worthy.
What the fuck am I doing with life if I can't do anything right.

well.

i'm sorry to everyone that has met me because i am possibly the worst person to have met and to have in their lives.
i hate feeling like this. like i'm not worth anything, that no one really cares, that i'm just completely alone and disliked and am the worst possible person in this world. i hate feeling sorry for myself. i'm not that fucking bad, am i? i may not be an amazing freakin queen, but i sure as hell am an amazing freakin princess.
i'm not perfect. i hate myself for that. but thanks to everyone for letting me know that i am quite possibly the worst person that they could have in their lives.

i'm a horrible daughter, friend, person, whatever.
i really want someone to just hug me and kiss me on the forehead and say that they're lucky to have me, and really mean it.

but apparently life never works out for me.

everybody sucks. i'm going back to anime world.

"see, it in your mind, and you can find. in your imagination. tales of enchantment, beauty and romance, happily ever after."

i WILL find my happiness and get my perfect life back again and it'll all be amazing again.
i'll go back to that time when i had the amazing life. just like 2 months ago.
it wasn't exactly perfect. but it was darn freakin close.
i know it. fershure. no more worrying.
i'll get it.

"her heart was a secret garden and the walls were very high."

"you know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? 

that's where i will always love you. that's where i'll be waiting."-Peter Pan
"see, it in your mind, and you can find in your imagination. tales of enchantment, beauty and romance, happily ever after."-Disney
"it's crazy, because i don't even know when you became so important to me. it's like watching a snowstorm. you see the flakes falling, but you don't realize how they're adding up. then suddenly, your whole lawn is covered. all those little things have added up. and you're like my snowstorm."

"well... the thing is, i love you more than i thought i could. and it's scaring the shit out of me.. i wish i could easily tell you how i feel about you but when i'm with you, i'm speechless..."

i'm sorry i constantly wanna talk to you, i'm sorry when you take a little long to reply, i get sad. i'm sorry if i say things that might annoy you. i'm sorry if i come off as annoying. i'm sorry if you don't wanna talk to me as much as i wanna talk to you. i'm sorry if i think about you too much and too often. i'm sorry if i tell you about my pointless day when you don't really care. i'm sorry if i come off as being clingy, but..i just miss you..
i think i might be scared because, you mean more to me than anyone else... and that's big.. i get scared a lot. sorry..
but i don't want to let anyone in, except you..
i'm sorry. 

run away?

"Instead of some awkward relationship of love that doesn’t last for thousands of years
The distance between you and I is like a road full of traffic, it’s just feels hopeless, we aren’t even far or close
I think it’s about time we got closer, I’m a little impatient, but I’m not being forceful
I just want to escape the nervousness and uncertainty of losing you
I want to walk with you on a bright sunny day

Because of you you you you
I only think of you
you you you Now
Love me, love me, only look at me"

maybe i'll just run away. no one would look for me, would they? i hate being like this.. being the me that i don't want anyone to see.. weak and stupid and helpless and useless. this isn't how my parents are, or my friends, or anybody around me. the me who wishes that someone would care... why am i like this? is this what always happens when i open up... i let people in and nobody likes what they see and everyone just runs away. i'm left alone again. 

exposed, open. 

sad.. 

maybe i'll just take my phone, charger, earphones, and just walk away. walk away with my music from life that seems to hate me so much and kick me in the ass every time something good happens. it would make everyone else's life much better too. but if i don't run away now, i just gotta bear it. smile and purge on my internet diary. i'm fine. of course. right? right.

Monster

I love you baby I’m not a monster
You know how I was in the past
When time passes, it’ll all disappear
Then you will know baby

I need you baby I’m not a monster

You know me so don’t leave like this

If even you throw me away, I will die

I’m not a monster