mistakes

i think one of the hardest things for me to do, is to go past my mistakes in life and everything that is going wrong and all the crap that is happening, and learn from it and be happy with even all that stuff going on. i don't know why it is so hard for me.. 

but i think the problem is, that i start to get happy and everything even though my life isn't really all that great, and then i start thinking. that's where everything gets me. i think. 

i over think. 

i under think. 

i use my head too much and think of all the possibilities of everything and anything in the world, and then i get rid of all the positive opportunities and all that's left is everything negative that has happened or that will or that is or just anything.

i keep on over thinking. 

i have my dreams and i don't give up on them, but then my mind causes trouble and it over thinks and i have a hard time stopping it. it makes me just wanna scream and shout and let it all out. and cry and collapse and fall and curl up into a ball and just cry and cry and cry and disappear until somebody.. reaches out to help me.. so i won't cry alone, so i have a shoulder to cry on... 

everything that's been happening. 

if i don't let it all out, soon enough, it's gonna eat me from the inside. i already know it. 

all the mistakes that i have made, am making, and will make, what do i do? i mean i know i have to fix them, so why don't i fix them? what is wrong with me... 

i just wanna scream... and cry.... and curl up into a ball.... but then i also want someone to save me.. 

i know i shouldn't. and i know i don't half the time. most of the time i just want someone to hold my hand and be there for me while i save myself. 

but right now.. i just need someone to save me... help me let it out and just.. help me as i cry... 

idk what's wrong with me.. idk what to do anymore..

cause i know exactly who i want it to be..