Trying.

I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain. I'mnotgonnacomplain.

I said it 10x. Please come true.

stupid eevee❤

you're so cute♥

but idk if i should tell you somethingggg...

cause i wanna tell you.

but but but...

idk if i should.

cause it's kinda not that important but it kinda is at the same time. 

a; lksdfjls;kzcxm.v,mae

meeeh. 

but anyways. 

complaining isn't good for me. but i really don't like life right now.. well kinda. i mean my friends are awesome and i have an amazing boyfriend but i feel like something is off.. 

but thanks sweetie. you help a lot. 

especially when i'm REALLY feeling like shit.... ♡

when the sun goes down and the lights burn out then it's time for you to shine. 

brighter than a shooting star. 

so shine no matter where you are. 

fill the darkest night with a brilliant light and it's for you to shine. 

brighter than a shooting star. 

so shine no matter where you are. 

tonight. ❤

that smile

i totally gots this.

[:

all the waay.

College and School.

i swear. 

i'm not gonna get into college. 

i'm gonna fail at life. 

scared. 

shit. 

fuck. 

this sucks.

Fuck. Again.

Why can't I ever ever do anything right? EVER. I can't cook right, I can't read right, I can't talk right, I can't write right, I can't study right, I can't play piano right, I can't teach right, I can't play video games right, I can't do ANYTHING right...actually, I can.
I can fail right...I really..just....nothing goes right..everything has it's screw ups. And I'm just a person who's basically just made of screw ups...why can't I do it right? can't I be happy? Nope. Can I be free? Eh. Can I fail? Yeah. Am I failing? Yeah. I know I'm screwed cause of math...I know it already... But PLEASE. just let me be happy...with everything...
Let this be a good year. I have college apps I have SAT I have school and piano and teaching and band and a boyfriend....In all the academic, emotional, and fun ways. PLEASE. pleasepleaseplease... I hope I can do it all....
Cause the first thing that would go...I don't want it to go.. It's the one thing that might actually maybe just a little work for me....
But even with that one thing... I still can't do anything right.
Fuck.
I hate being me.

Fuck.

love me? "even with my dark side"

There's a place that i know

it's not pretty there and few have ever gone 

if i show it to you now  

will it make you run away
or will you stay  

even if it hurts 

even if i try to push you out  

will you return? 

and remind me who i really am  

please remind me who i really am
everybody's got a dark side  

do you love me?  

can you love mine?  

nobody's a picture perfect 

but we're worth it 

you know that we're worth it  

will you love me?  

even with my dark side?

so. tired.

sometimes i can get so tired of just everything. idk. 

i'm tired of life.

life being a bitch.

i'm used to it but it still pisses me off. 

sometimes i feel really lonely and i get really sad... i wonder what to do then. 

and then there are times when i'm really happy and nothing can bring me down...

why can't there be more happy times instead of the other times when i'm sad or pissed? 

life is such a bitch like that. ugh. 

but the thing is, even when i'm sad or lonely or pissed, when i see him... i get happier. no matter what. no i don't NEED him to be happy. but when i'm with him, everything seems at least a little better♥

so tired of life still. 

keeping up so i can be with you though.

firstdayofschool.

damn.

that day went by fast... 

the past month of my summer has been almost the best month of my life. everything was going good, i was happy. at least most of the time and i was with the most incredible boy ever♥

then. 

school started. 

September 6, 2012. 

god damn.

i've always wanted school to start so i could be with my friends. this year though... 

i have the girls yeah, but my whole high school life was with those 5 guys. and now they're not here. instead of stressing out cause of AP's like the rest of my friends, i'm being stupid and lonely and especially missing one very important boyfriend ):

the school feels empty without the senior class of 2012 blue ninjas walking around there... it's like something is missing... 

i miss you guys. 

and i miss my eevee❤