yay.

i wonder if i mean anything to anyone.. 

i feel like shit. 

yay. 

i'm not gonna let all of this get to me. i already said so. 

why am i letting it get to me. 

truthfully, i want to talk to you. i want to say it all. but then i know it's not all completely true. 

i want to tell you that i didn't lose the game. that you can't break me. that if you push me down, i'm going to get back and be even stronger. 

but i don't.

because i'm not always like this. 

nope. 

i want to say it. it's true. but it's false too. 

fuck. 

i want to sleep all day. 

i want to party all night. 

i want to forget my troubles and wash away the fight. 

lonely again. no one to talk to.

no one to cry with. 

no one to trust. 

i want to run away. 

i want to cry. 

i want to soar and fly. 

i want someone to be there for me. 

but i want to be alone. 

i don't want to be left alone. 

not again. 

yeah i can handle it. 

but i don't want to..

if only there was someone that's just afraid to lose me.. 

i just want someone to love me and care for me enough that they're afraid to lose me..

Played

i got played.

duh.

should've known.

I Like You

i hope i don't screw things up...

Another Thanks

so. my life. basically sucks. yeah. that's the only way i can put it really... lol. 

BUT. 

with all the crap in my life, i'm still holding on. 

and i have another thanks for all you people for this and that and BLAH BLAH BLAAHH. 

JAYE-V: hey! what do you know! the seniors are graduating... Akira and I are being left behind...SO SAD. BOOOO. but you know what? we had fun. WE'RE ACTUALLY GONNA MAGICALLY GET STUFF DONE THANK YOU GUYS<3 and i'm gonna miss you guys. SO. so so so so so so so so so so ... MUCH. grr! 

YUTA OPPA! :D ;; so... we... got to know each other a lot better this year! <3 with math.. and woodward.. and fuck her... and what? did i say that? psh NAAHHH. so anyway. oppa, thanks for entertaining me in math and beating me in math and being my pillow on the bus rides to competitions and getting my instrument for me when i'm being annoying and late and doing stuff etc etc and helping me through that... STUFF. you know what i mean hahaha. so yeah. thanks for being one of my best friends ever. my dogs are cuter(; you're gonna be a junior next year and we better have bio together next year! and good luck next year. SAT's, Band, AP's, school in general, + trying to find your girl problems. (; hahah. DON'T. GET. GIRL. PROBLEMS. IN. JAPAN. xD 

Nataaaawyyyy && Annie && Cnthiaa;; i love you girls with all my heart. english was super duper funsies right? right. :D we're SENIORS. do you guys feel old yet? good. ;D we're gonna grow old together right? since middle school..we've been awesome. ;D <3 

and last. but DEFINITELY NOT. least...

Justen. Akira. Minamitani;; there is so much to say... and so little time. you opened me up again. you brought me out again. you...saved me. it was like i was falling and you miraculously saved me. Thanks. I know you think that you couldn't do anything to help my life, but that is quite the opposite actually...ahah. you made/make my life so much better. even if i can't do anything now, all the crap we went through and have been through and probably will go through together.. if you even want me to be your BFFL anymore. you know... i'll love you through it all. just saying. BFFL love kay? ❤ (: AND DON'T BITE ME! so. i know we've been through shit. over. and over. and over. and over again. but Thank You for staying with me through it all... we may not be bf/gf anymore, and you can have Momi and love her to your heart's content and I like..him. hahah. but promise to never leave? and stay? i PROMISE<3 (: the Best Friend Contract right? hehe. you really did make my life so much better. Thank you BFFL<3 iloveyouse(: No matter how much my mom may dislike you or whatever the hell it is, i'm still sticking to my position when we were going out. You're my BFFL and that's not changing. At all. even if you hate me and never want to see me again, even if you don't want me to be your BFFL ever again or anything.. I will still be here for you. I will love you as my BFFL forever and ever. right? right. (: I'm the shoulder you need when you wanna cry. I'm the one that will kick a bitch's ass if I hafta. I will be the one that you vent to when you ever feel like it. I want to be that one person that you'll trust forever and ever... is that okay? cause i trust you. through everything we've been through, we promised to stay BFFL's together~ let's keep that promise(; I know the year we had together was...ROUGH. very rough. but all together. we have so many inside jokes. we had and have to come so many laughs. we know each other like the back of our hands.
promise? bffl forever? (:
you never ruined my life. I promise. if anything you made it so much better. I'm sorry if i might have ruined your life at any point or if i'm still ruining it... i'm sorry for dragging you into my life and making you my bffl and being a horrible terrible ex and being naggy and annoying and bitchy and everything that is me... but i'm always here for you.
Promise.

break...

so...i'm taking a break. 

from what? i have absolutely no idea. 

i have no excuse to take a break. to be procrastinating at this very moment writing this post. 

my grades are SHIT. and i have almost no time to bring them up..

my piano...starting hell this term. 

summer?! oh yeah... so much fun in the sun. 

1) summer class at UCLA. no fucking lefo.. and as much as i'm trying to see the positive side to that. it sucks. 

2) seniors are leaving..

3) summer AP hw. 

4) seniors graduating...

5) summer band and band camp. 

6) seniors are freakin leaving!

7) BYU summer class shit. 

8) SENIORS. LEAVING. 

9) worrying about next year's school year. all my AP's, SAT's, work(?), volunteer, college apps, etcetc. 

10) oh. did i mention? seniors. are. going. to. be. gone... 

i'm going to be a senior. and as much as no one reads this. 

someone please. help. me..

take me away..

throw it away, forget yesterday, we'll make the great escape. 

we won't hear a word, they said. 

they don't know us anyway~

watch it burn. 

let it die.

cause we are finally free, tonight. 

-The Great Escape;; BOYS LIKE GIRLS<3

take me away, a secret place. 

a sweet escape, take me away~

take me away to better days. 

take me away. a hiding place~

-Natasha Bedingfield;; Pocketful of Sunshine ♥

take me away.. please..<3

craap .

confused and sorry?

"  again and again and again and again i keep going back to you. I don't know why, i don't know why
  again and again and again and again
i fall for your words again. I don't know why, i don't know why"

freakin freshmen.. nah... i shouldn't be blaming them. 

my problems are because of me. these problems of being confused? i shouldn't have them... 

yet why. 

why do i torture myself and i take others along with me. do you see why i say what i say? do you understand why i push away... 

i take you along with me. 

i burn myself. 

i don't want to burn you along the way. 

and most likely..? 

you would be better off, living without me. 

no matter how much you say you don't want to? 

think about it..

and to the other; 

i must say the same... i say what i say, so no one will get hurt. 

 

i'm sorry...

i'm sorry...

deeply horribly sorry....

for everything that i've done. for all the pain i've caused.

i don't know what to do..

i guess time will tell.

and i guess we will see..

VIRUS..

[gikwang]
i’m fine with waiting, i’m fine with you not wanting to look at me
just stay next to me
i’m fine with you cursing, i’m fine with you hurting me
i, i will do better

[doojoon]
i will hold it in even if you hate me
even if you keep pushing me away

[hyunseung]
don’t leave me
don’t get a new man
i will bear everything for you

[dongwoon]
you are my virus
you will make it harder on me
when i look at you again
my heart will hurt
but still i want you
even if i’m in pain after pain
even if i might lose everything

[yoseob]
you are my virus
you will make it painful for me
i want you again and again
i crazily want you
i love you so much
even if i’m in pain after pain
i love you until the day i day

[junhyung]
leave to me girl
take me with you
leaving that black wall behind
let’s head towards that dusk
remove that curtain covering the space between you and i
even thought it’s so hot that i might burn
i will still jump in so that you won’t have to do anything
slowly, little by little, i will blend in

[doojoon]
i will hold it in even if you hate me
even if you keep pushing me away

[hyunseung]
don’t leave me
don’t get a new man
i will love you a little more

you are my virus
you will make it harder on me
when i look at you again
my heart will hurt
but still i want you
even if i’m in pain after pain
even if i might lose everything

[yoseob]
you are my virus
you will make it painful for me
i want you again and again
i crazily want you
i love you so much
even if i’m in pain after pain
i love you until the day i day

[kigwang]
even if it hurts this much, i love you
watching you i wait again

[junhyung]
it might not be the love that is beautiful
it might not be the love that is blessed
but if i can reach you, i’m satisfied
(just loving you) i’m satisfied with just that

[dongwoon]
you are my virus
you will make it harder on me
when i look at you again
my heart will hurt

[hyunseung]
but still i want you
even if i’m in pain after pain
even if i might lose everything

[yoseob]
you are my virus
you will make it painful for me
i want you again and again
i crazily want you
i love you so much
even if i’m in pain after pain
i love you until the day i day

YOU are my virus..

virus by b2st <3

fiction && fact <3