i'm sorry...

i'm sorry...

deeply horribly sorry....

for everything that i've done. for all the pain i've caused.

i don't know what to do..

i guess time will tell.

and i guess we will see..

VIRUS..

[gikwang]
i’m fine with waiting, i’m fine with you not wanting to look at me
just stay next to me
i’m fine with you cursing, i’m fine with you hurting me
i, i will do better

[doojoon]
i will hold it in even if you hate me
even if you keep pushing me away

[hyunseung]
don’t leave me
don’t get a new man
i will bear everything for you

[dongwoon]
you are my virus
you will make it harder on me
when i look at you again
my heart will hurt
but still i want you
even if i’m in pain after pain
even if i might lose everything

[yoseob]
you are my virus
you will make it painful for me
i want you again and again
i crazily want you
i love you so much
even if i’m in pain after pain
i love you until the day i day

[junhyung]
leave to me girl
take me with you
leaving that black wall behind
let’s head towards that dusk
remove that curtain covering the space between you and i
even thought it’s so hot that i might burn
i will still jump in so that you won’t have to do anything
slowly, little by little, i will blend in

[doojoon]
i will hold it in even if you hate me
even if you keep pushing me away

[hyunseung]
don’t leave me
don’t get a new man
i will love you a little more

you are my virus
you will make it harder on me
when i look at you again
my heart will hurt
but still i want you
even if i’m in pain after pain
even if i might lose everything

[yoseob]
you are my virus
you will make it painful for me
i want you again and again
i crazily want you
i love you so much
even if i’m in pain after pain
i love you until the day i day

[kigwang]
even if it hurts this much, i love you
watching you i wait again

[junhyung]
it might not be the love that is beautiful
it might not be the love that is blessed
but if i can reach you, i’m satisfied
(just loving you) i’m satisfied with just that

[dongwoon]
you are my virus
you will make it harder on me
when i look at you again
my heart will hurt

[hyunseung]
but still i want you
even if i’m in pain after pain
even if i might lose everything

[yoseob]
you are my virus
you will make it painful for me
i want you again and again
i crazily want you
i love you so much
even if i’m in pain after pain
i love you until the day i day

YOU are my virus..

virus by b2st <3

fiction && fact <3

Christmas... 3 days late.. ^^

MERRY CHRISTMAS~!<3
(about 3 days late... oopsies)

So! this christmas was great<3 it's been great so far with this winter break going.
i'm scared....terribly scared for school to start up again. /: but it's okay. (:

2 more days!
had a great Christmas day with him too..<3 and the day before that. (christmas eve) and the day after christmas! (26th)

anyways.
soon after, (the 27th) i got a good surprise! (: my friend texted me agaainnn. yaayyyy<3 hahaha.

Sherlock holmes tomorrow.
and my very LAME self centered christmas post right now. yes i know.


BUT I'M SO HAPPY.
yet so sad...
OH WELL.

i'll get it~!
Disneyland<3

I LOVE CHRISTMAS <3

Forget the RISK. and take the FALL. if it's what you WANT. then it's worth it ALL.

So I'll take the risk AND take the fall.
But it's what I want. So I'm going against it all.
Because I love you.
You're the risk. That I'm falling for.
I want you. And it's worth it.

I love you...<3 2 more days. (: 南谷明♡

ps. thanks ig<3

you..

You...yes you...

you're trying to steal my life away... get this straight.
i've known them longer than you've known them. they're not mine. but you know what, they're mine. i'm selfish. so what? get over yourself bitch.

yeahyeah i know. they love you may more than they love me. that's all fine with me. i want them to love me more but if they don't i can't change it.

but you know what? you can have them. as long as you STAY AWAY FROM HIM.
GET SOMETHING RIGHT BITCH.
HE'S MINE.
I'M HIS.
he asked ME out. not YOU.

so don't even try to ruin us. don't even think about it. and even if you do, it's not changing.

i will love him. unlike you. you little flirty ass comfy cozy bitch.

my distinction with all the guys is actually DIFFERENT. oh my god. :O -.-
yes. that was sarcastic.

get out bitch.

my love

my love for everything seems to be dying down...
but it seems to be coming back as weell. (:
my love for life is coming back... thanks. (:
thanks to everyone who helped me bring back this realization.
you guys will always have a place in my heart. <3
and i will always love you guys.
especially you. <3
and i hope with all that is going on, you'll never leave me.
you're crazy.
but.
i love you. <3

thanks to.

so i must admit, i did sort of steal the name of this post from a very good k-pop song.
BUT. it kind of describes what i am planning to say in this post.
i have some people to thank. especially since it is the ending of the school year&i wish to thank some people for helping me through this yeear .

Justen Akira Minamitani;; besty. you know 143.<3 i'm sorry i dragged you into my life and all that stuff... but think about it. it hasn't even been a year and we're besties. thank you: for making me feel like i have someone. for helping me through my crap. for listening to every little thing i say. for bearing through it all. for dealing with my insecurities. for being my crazy match bffl. for cheering me up when i need it. for judging me and not judging me and sticking by me.
thank you bffl.(:

Justin Miller;; sisteer.<3 you are awesome. and not fat. and smart. and awesome. and...yea everything else we have argued and will argue about. (: i'm sad... next year you will be a senior and then you're gonna leave us. same with everyone else... thank you: for driving me home. for helping me feel better. for letting me talk to you. for talking to me. for poking me. for making me happier. for dealing with my craziness. for being you. and for being my sister. thank you sis' (:

Elisa Lee;; step-daddy. i love you~ <3 we got a lot closer this year...AGAIN. lol. just like 8th grade craziness... remember that? we've been friends for a long time now... and over the Europe trip, we DEFINITELY grew so much closer. thank you: for dealing with my somewhat bipolar-ness too.(; for letting me stay in your room until 1 am. for talking to me about all that stuff in Europe. for sticking with me in Europe. for being my friend. for being my step-daddy and helping with wise words.(; and for sticking through with my stupidity and the JAYE-V stuff. thank you step-daddy.(:

J.A.Y.E.-V.;; oh damn...here it is... the one. the ONLY. J.A.Y.E.-V.(: wow...Justin Miller, Aki Saito, Andy Mito, Yoshitaka Nonoyamama, & Eugene Arai... you 5 guys. i've known all of you since i was a freshman (besides Aki)... it's been 2 years now... can you believe it? i can't. cause i remember WHEN WE SAID WE WERE GOING TO FINISH THIS. and even though there was so much drama in between everything, WE ARE ALMOST THERE~! (with 5 people) but ALMOST THERE~! Elisa Lee, thank you. (: Andy Mito? Captain, thank you. Justin Miller? thank you for sticking with us. Eugene Arai? Leader, thanks. Aki Saito? thanks for improving. Yoshitaka Nonoyama? thanks for being good. all 5 of you, and Elisa. thank you so much. for going through everything and still staying with this even through ALL that shit... and you guys, i'm going to miss you. a lot. when you guys leave. don't forget to visit. okay? and i know it's a years away but still... you're my family...(:

so i don't exactly know who i am missing now. but you know what? this is good.
because these people that i emphasized? helped me SO MUCH through this year. we got a lot closer, & helped me through a lot even though it kind of wasn't.
thanks to you guys.

i love you guys. seriously. <3

perfect me.

this is me. don't try and change me. because most likely, YA CAN'T.
i am me.
you don't like it?
i don't give a damn.
i don't live to serve bitches like you.
i'm emotional. i'm stupid. i'm weak. i'm strong. i'm crazy.
that's just me.
not even close to perfect.
but perfect me.
as weird as it is...

realization.

so i have realized lately, that i have made this blog very personal actually. although i would like to change that, i feel as though i shouldn't. i feel like i can be myself here.
no one is reading what i feel. no one even knows what this is. i am glad...
glad that i am lonely in this world... glad that loneliness is a process in life. glad that it helps me be stronger. glad that no one will judge me from this. because no one is reading this.

sleep and other things.

sleep! i'm dying...9 hours of jetlag can definitely damage a person. my system is half back up again to normal...i need it back now.
i don't think it has fully passed through my brain how much stuff i have to do in the next 3 days. i have piano, studying for that test, and i procrastinate too much making everything worse especially with JETLAG. it's definitely horrible.
on the other hand, besides my complaints on school and sleep. my spring break was the best ever with the european-ness and what not.
what do i do with the certain jerkface in my life? what do i do with my life in general?
i feel so out of place in the world i am in. i feel out of place in my body. like i don't belong. is that normal? i really don't think so. what do i do... i just want an escape from life. all the ones i get like going to taiwan and europe...they were perfect.<3 why can't they just be longer and why can't i have more time to get a real escape from myself and do whatever i want? i guess there's no such thing...
somehow...i WILL get there.
dance, sing, escape. i want to go. i really wish someone would take me. i wish someone wouldn't judge me and just take me on an escape.